5-Star Addicts Anonymous

2011-11-04T01:03:00.001-04:00

B.o.B - Strange Clouds ft. Lil Wayne [Official Audio]

2011-09-26T22:57:00.000-04:00

2011-08-25T08:10:00.001-04:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Conflictseeking	\|\|	10%
Need to dominate	\|\|	10%
Romantic	\|\|	10%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%

Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|	10%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Peter pancomplex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|	10%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Physicalfitness	\|\|	10%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	40%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Indie	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com

Now that's Gun Control!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-02-07T00:03:00.002-05:00

TRUE STORY FROM... "THE HOUSTON HERALD NEWSPAPER" IN HOUSTON , TEXAS

Last Thursday Night Around Midnight, A Woman From Houston , Texas Was Arrested, Jailed, And Charged With Manslaughter For Shooting A Man 6 Times In The Back As He Was Running Away With Her Purse. ~

The Following Monday Morning, The Woman Was Called In Front Of The Arraignment Judge, Sworn In, And Asked To Explain Her Actions. The Woman Replied, "I Was Standing At The Corner Bus Stop For About 15 Minutes, Waiting For The Bus To Take Me Home After Work. I Am A Waitress At A Local Cafe... I Was There Alone, So I Had My Right Hand On My Pistol, That Was In My Purse, That Was Hung Over My Left Shoulder.

All Of A Sudden I Was Being Spun Around Hard To My Left. As I Caught My Balance, I Saw A Man Running Away From Me With My Purse.

I Looked Down At My Right Hand And I Saw That My Fingers Were Wrapped Tightly Around My Pistol. The Next Thing I Remember Is Saying Out Loud, " No Way Punk! You're Not Stealing My Pay Check And Tips."

I Raised My Right Hand, Pointed My Pistol At The Man Running Away From Me With My Purse, And Squeezed The Trigger Of My Pistol 6 Times!

When Asked By The Arraignment Judge, "Why Did You Shoot The Man 6 Times?

The Woman Replied Under Oath,
"Because, When I Pulled The Trigger The 7th Time, It Only Went Click."

The Woman Was Acquitted Of All Charges.
She Was Back At Work, At The Cafe, The Next Day!

Now that's Gun Control.....
AMEN

2011-02-06T23:49:00.000-05:00

WORLD'S LARGEST HELICOPTER HOTEL

The Hotelicopter is modeled on the Soviet made Mil V-12, of which
there were only two prototypes ever made. The Hotelicopter Company purchased one of these prototypes from the Mikhail Leontyevich Mil helicopter plant in Panki-Tomilino , Russia in 2004 and have been engineering the world's first flying hotel ever since.

"The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel
experience.. Each soundproofed room is equipped with a queen-sized bed, fine linens, a mini-bar, coffee machine, wireless internet access, and all the luxurious appointments you'd expect from a flying five star hotel. Room service is available one hour after liftoff and prior to landing." The Hotelicopter is due to fly maiden journey this summer (June 26th) with an undisclosed price.

Dimensions Length: 42 m (137 ft)

Height: 28m (91 ft)

Maximum Takeoff Weight: 105850 kg (232,870 lb)

Maximum speed: 255 km/h (137 kt) (158 miles/h)

Cruising speed: 237 km/h (127 kt) (147 miles/h)

Original Mi Range: 515 km (320 mi)

Our augmented Mi Range - 1,296 km (700 mi)

White Women...

2011-01-31T18:29:00.000-05:00

WHITE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex, but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you and insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together and hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
JEWISH WOMEN
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
CHINESE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.
MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in ... and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.

From http://www.sexjokes.be/

juiced infiniti

2010-10-26T23:38:00.000-04:00

Cop Eats Pot Brownies Calls 911 (Full)

2010-10-13T02:24:00.000-04:00

The "Jiffy" Crew

2010-09-21T22:34:00.000-04:00

Caught on Camera!!!!!!!!

2010-08-26T04:34:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it.. I caught the exact moment that I fell in love with him on camera... well he actually did but still...

Essay Potna- Fuck Love

2010-08-20T01:01:00.000-04:00

Stacey & Shay Lyn on the Quad

2010-04-19T00:22:00.000-04:00

Shay Lyn on the Quad

2010-04-19T00:16:00.000-04:00

2010-03-16T14:24:00.002-04:00

What Easy Mac Instructions Look Like Under the Influence of Various Drugs on CollegeHumor

My Shiny Objects for the Day

2010-03-16T14:12:00.000-04:00

12 Most Creative Wallpapers

The Wallpaper which color changes in response to body heat

The North Pole

12 Craziest DIY Creations

What is your Temperament

2010-02-15T02:37:00.001-05:00

You are a deep ocean and just as violent. You are emotional and thoughtful, artistic and musical. Even if you don't draw or play an instrument, art and music play a big part in your life. You are talented and creative. You are philosophical and poetic. Sometimes that means you create a piece of art or poetry, and sometimes it means you have a new idea or a new way of approaching something. You are always an original. You underestimate yourself and are sensitive. You put others before yourself. You feel their pain. When someone has a problem, they come to you. Not to solve it, but to cry with them. You are analytical and conscientious. Even with all this analysis you are idealistic. You appreciate beauty. You see things others miss, and can feel a problem coming like a chill before the rain. You are orderly and organized and strive for perfection in everything you do. You value things, people, resources. You are very focused on the details. You make friends cautiously and the friends you have are few and very close to you. You are very faithful and devoted. You value loyalty and can become resentful if betrayed. You seek out special people who see your depth and beauty and they travel with you for long friendships. You have a deep concern for other people and will listen to their complaints. People rely on you. Introvert: The Resident Genius.

Women

2010-02-12T13:27:00.000-05:00

Found this one @ MSDN Forums

"One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her."

Daily Bullshit

2010-02-09T14:01:00.000-05:00

Moral Kombat on CollegeHumor

Daily Amusement

2010-02-04T04:27:00.001-05:00

Why I Don't Check My Voicemail Anymore

What if the Internet Never Lied

Fork Lift Fail

If you get in an accident and your car is in the air and it blows up.. call this guy Ridiculous Insurance Commercial

Scared Cat Hits Wall

Favorite YouTube Clips Comic @ thedoghousediaries

Copier Fail

Flyleaf, Breaking Benjamin & Three Days Grace!!!!!

2010-02-03T06:33:00.000-05:00

Excellent Concert!!

Saturday January 30th... Fort Wayne @ the Coliseum...

It was pimp shit!!! Flyleaf was first.. Breaking Ben then Three days grace I didn't see much of breaking benjamin b/c we were right in front.. and i almost got smashed like 2 times so I walked out and tried to find somewhere else to sit alone .. remind me never to get general admission again. It was still worth it tho cuz I was like twenty feet away from lacey!

My net is f*cked up right now.. so it's taking me forever to get my videos on here.
I got more pics of Saturday on my Facebook.

It was a good time.

Next....

Halestorm & Adelitas Way @ Fever
Saturday March 6th, 2010 7:00 PM

Fave things of the Day

2010-01-24T00:57:00.000-05:00

Gamer - Bad Ass Fucking Movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Words I'm hooked on
Metaclysmic

Metaball

Metacognative

Definition of Bad Ass

2010-01-24T00:31:00.000-05:00

fc03.deviantart.net

Godsmack Live - Drum Battle Sully Erna VS Shannon Larkin!!

2010-01-14T21:32:00.002-05:00

15 Funny (and classic) Facebook Fails

2010-01-11T13:27:00.003-05:00

Hahaha...

This shit is classic.

15 Funny Facebook Fails

Facebook Virus

How things used to be..

2010-01-07T00:06:00.000-05:00

Got this from a friend today..

FWD: Hi friends, I don't know who wrote this article and some or most of it may not be accurate but it is still interesting musing

Next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children - last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs - thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, rats, and bugs) lived in the roof.

When it rained it became slippery, and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof, hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (the straw left over after threshing grain) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more and more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. To prevent this, a piece of wood was placed in the entrance way - hence a "thresh hold."

They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite awhile, -- hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach on to the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers (a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl). Often trenchers were made from stale bread that was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, "the upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up hence, the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and they started out running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell.

Thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered "a dead ringer." And that's the truth.

Who said that History is boring!?

Just a Thank You :)

2010-01-06T02:20:00.001-05:00

The Reward of 72 Virginians..... Suck on deez nuts Osama!!!

2010-01-05T23:38:00.002-05:00

Osama bin Laden went to heaven and was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceived?"

Patrick Herny then approached and punched Osama in the nose.

James Madison entered and kicked him in the shin. An angry Thomas Jerrerson whacked Osama over the head whit a cane.

The thrashing continued as John Randolph, James Manroe came in and unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

Suddenly, as Osama lay writhing in unbearable pain, an angel appeared.

"This is not what you promised me," said Osama.

"Come on Osama," the angel replied. "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven."

This is dedicated to my good friend Jesus.. who will be back home from Okinawa this weekend!!!!

Christmas Stamps

2010-01-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

Xmas Decorations on Crack

2010-01-03T14:47:00.000-05:00

I've learned..

2009-12-29T22:26:00.000-05:00

.
...that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

...that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

...that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

...that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or huge tits.

...that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.

...that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

...that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

...that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

...that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do.

...that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

...that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.

...that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

...to say "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" in 6 languages.

25 Signs You've Grown Up

2009-12-29T19:54:00.001-05:00

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.

Expressions For High Stress Days

2009-12-29T12:58:00.000-05:00

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

2. Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?

3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?

5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.

7. Do I look like a fucking people person?

8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.

12. You! Off my planet !

13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.

15. I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.

16. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat.

17. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.

18. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

19. I wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness.

20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

21. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.

22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

23. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

24. See no evil, hear no evil and date no evil.

25. Allow me to introduce my selves.

26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

27. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."

28. Better living through denial.

29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

30. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

31. Do they ever shut up on your planet?

32. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

33. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.

34. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.

35. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

36. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

37. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

38. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?

39. Back off! You're standing in my aura.

40. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

41. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!

42. One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.

43. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

44. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

45. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

46. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.

47. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.

48. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.

49. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

50. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!

51. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

52. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

53. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

54. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

55. Just smile and say "Yes, Mistress."

56. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

57. Mommy, I wanna grow up to be a neurotic bitch just like you.

58. A woman's favorite position is CEO.

59. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

60. You look like shit. Is that the style now?

61. This is a mean, fucking cruel world & I want my nappy & medication right now!

62. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

63. Earth is full. Go home.

64. Is it time for your medication or mine?

65. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

66. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?

67. I plead contemporary insanity.

68. And which dwarf are you?

69. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

70. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

71. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

72. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.

73. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

74. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?

75. Gene Police!!! Get out of the pool!!

76. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

26 Life Lessons Learned by Age 26

2009-12-27T01:33:00.000-05:00

From somethinbeautiful - http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/07/26-life-lessons-learned-by-age-26.html

Sometimes thinking about your life and sorting out what you have learned is just as important as tackling a new venture.

1. Being an adult can be fun when you are acting like a child.
2. Love has nothing to do with looks but everything to do with time, trust, and interest.
3. Laughing, crying, joy and anger… All are a vital. All make us human.
4. The greatest truths in life are uncovered with simple, steady awareness.
5. Greed will bury even the lucky eventually.
6. Bad things do happen to good people.
7. Paving your own road is intelligent only if nobody has gone exactly where you are going.
8. Uncertainty is caused by a lack of knowledge. Hesitation is the product of fear.
9. Time heals all wounds… regardless of how you feel right now.
10. Most of the time what you are looking for is right in front of you.
11. Your health is your life.
12. Chance is a gift, so act on chance when given the opportunity.
13. Kindness and hard work will take you further than intelligence.
14. People deserve a second chance, but not a third.
15. Marry your best friend.
16. Take lots of pictures. Someday you’ll be really glad you did.
17. Money makes life easier only when the money is yours free and clear.
18. Carelessness is the root of failure
19. Your actions now create memories you will reminisce and talk about in your elder years.
20. Stepping outside of your comfort zone will put things into perspective from an angle you can’t grasp now.
21. Motivation comes in short bursts. Act while it’s hot.
22. Purposely ignoring the obvious is like walking backwards toward the enemy.
23. Taking ownership of failure builds the foundation for success.
24. First impressions are completely worthless 50% of the time.
25. Personal glory lasts forever.
26. If you never act, you will never know for sure.

Man Rules

2009-12-26T01:16:00.000-05:00

http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/11/man-rules-ladies-please-hear-this.html

From somethingbeautiful - [link]

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down! Finally, the guys’ side of the story ( I must admit, it’s pretty good) We always hear ‘ the rules ‘ from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side:

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1 ‘ ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or cars.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.

50 Greatest Quotes on Men

2009-12-25T11:14:00.000-05:00

http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/07/50-greatest-quotes-on-men.html

Before success comes in any man’s life, he’s sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That’s exactly what the majority of men do. Napoleon Hill

Today’s post as you can see from the title itself is dedicated to men. Well, technically women since they would be the one trying to find answers about men. After researching all day I have been able to compile this post with quotes that might answer some questions and some, as always, will remain unanswered no matter how hard we try.

1. I never liked the men I loved and never loved the men I liked. ~ Fanny Brice
2. You can tell the strength of a nation by the women behind its men. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
3. Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. ~ George Bernard Shaw
4. When men and woman die, as poets sung, his heart’s the last part moves, her last, the tongue. ~ Benjamin Franklin
5. Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld
6. If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see. ~ Henry David Thoreau
7. All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. ~ Blaise Pascal
8. The world judge of men by their ability in their profession, and we judge of ourselves by the same test: for it is on that on which our success in life depends. ~ William Hazlitt
9. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. ~ Oscar Wilde
10. God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. ~ Unknown
11. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde
12. It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men. ~ Mae West
13. A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors. ~ Buddha
14. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal
15. Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis
16. Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. ~ Winston Churchill
17. There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten. ~ Samuel Johnson
18. When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~ Louis Nizer
19. Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul but his life. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
20. Few men have been admired of their familiars. ~ Michel de Montaigne
21. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard
22. If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day
23. All men [are] of one metal, but not in one mold. ~ John Lyly
24. Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. ~ Chuck Norris
25. Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. ~ Victor Hugo
26. Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against. ~ Thomas Carlyle
27. Is it not rather what we expect in men, that they should have numerous strands of experience lying side by side and never compare them with each other? ~ George Eliot
28. A child, from the time he can think, should think about all he sees, should suffer for all who cannot live with honesty, should work so that all men can be honest, and should be honest himself. ~ Jose Marti
29. The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. ~ Julius Charles Hare
30. Men are so willing to respect anything that bores them. ~ Marilyn Moroe
31. There are more men ennobled by study than by nature. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
32. Young men preen. Old men scheme. ~ Mason Cooley
33. If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher
34. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost
35. Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world. ~ Samuel Johnson
36. Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
37. The desire of excessive power caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge caused men to fall. ~ Francis Bacon
38. Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they are good in themselves. ~ Aristotle
39. Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. ~ Cher
40. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ~ Will Rogers
41. Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so. ~ Samuel Butler
42. Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course. ~ William Shakespeare
43. Men are only as great as they are kind. ~ Elbert Hubbard
44. Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
45. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~ Confucius
46. In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high. ~ Henry David Thoreau
47. It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
48. If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. ~ Frederick Douglass
49. Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man. They die up to a point. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
50. Great men or men of great gifts you shall easily find, but symmetrical men never. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

100 reasons it's great to be a woman :)

2009-12-24T05:13:00.000-05:00

1. Working / Earning not mandatory.

2. We never have to buy our own drinks at the bar.

3. We don't have to bother on mobile bills.

4. We get out of speeding tickets by crying.

5. We don't have to stand on the queue to get tickets.

6. We can sleep our way to the top of the class.

7. We don't have to worry about the purse when we shop with men.

8. We can marry rich and then not have to work.

9. We never have to pay when we go out on dates.

10. Men take us on all expense paid trips

11. We always get place to sit when using public transport.

12. Easy to get a ride.

13. Men hold the door open for us.

14. Jewels looks good on us.

15. We lie better.

16. We're better manipulators.

17. We always end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - you guys get the couch.

18. We always have food in the fridge.

19. We don't worry about losing our hair.

20. We always get to choose the movie.

21. We don't have to mow the lawn.

22. We don't have to take out the garbage.

23. We don't have to paint the house or walls.

24. If we need to our boyfriends just a missed call is enough.

25. We can easily show our disappointments or disapprovals.

26. We can con our way out of anything - not just dig ourselves deeper into a hole.

27. Men unlock our side of the car first - a real bonus when its cold.

28. Even strangers shows care if we are in trouble. Men have to manage themselves.

29. Men are like tiles, lay 'em right the first time you can walk all over em forever.

30. We can cry in public. Men cant.

31. We don't feel shy to cry.

32. We don have worry if we lose the fight.

33. Sweat is sexy on us.

34. We never run out of excuses.

35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often.

36. We can borrow clothes or accessories from our friends.

37. We get expensive jewelry as gifts that we NEVER have to give back.

38. We get candy, flowers and jewelry all the time because men screw up so often.

39. We can give "the look" that will make any man want to cower in the corner.

40. Women are cleaner.

41. We know how to make up stories.

42. We're better arguers.

43. We don't always have to think with our genitals.

44. We don't have to worry if we are plump. Men still like us.

45. We're better parents.

46. We never have to sit home alone on a weekend night.

47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing, and able men.

48. We're flexible.

49. When women get upset, we don't destroy property or hurt people - we just take it out on the world in general because we can.

50. Easy to make friendships.

51. Much easy to get a date.

52. Men have to be in uniform.

53. We can do makeup anywhere

54. If we do heavy purchase we don't have to carry those things. Men are there.

55. It generally takes us less to get drunk.

56. We have a higher tolerance to pain.

57. We often get to cut in line (Queue).

58. Most women actually look good in short shorts - men DON'T.

59. Better tips.

60. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, it's rather disgusting

61. We have mastered civilized eating - we don't embarrass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public.

62. Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank heaven for long pants and perfume!

63. We can connive men into doing our homework, writing our papers or carrying our books anytime we want.

64. We don't have excessive amounts of body hair.

65. We don't spend 45 minutes on the toilet.

66. We don't bother if our IQ level is less. Just a smile is enough.

67. We are always smart.

68. We can throw a punch at a man and not get hit in return.

69. We don't have to lie to boast ourselves better.

70. Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us.

71. Women sweat less.

72. Women smell better.

73. When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards

74. Men are more often serial killers, thieves, rapists and cheats.

75. We don get charged if we tease men in public.

76. We can be late to the office.

77. We don't get embarrassed when buying tampons.

78. We're better gossips.

79. We have better fashion sense.

80. We're better shoppers.

81. We don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man.

82. Our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone.

83. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not gonna tell you)

84. We're all sitting on a gold mine - we know it and use it to our extreme advantage.

85. We don't have to drive when on a date.

86. An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just ugly.

87. We can search for hours together in a shop not necessary to buy.

88. Don't have to maintain great physique.

89. Women look better naked

90. We know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing.

91. When women are short, we're petite. When men are short, they're just short.

92. Women do less time for violent crimes.

93. Women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up.

94. There are many hands to lift us when we slip to ground. Poor men they have to get up on their own.

95. And we don't have to feel shy about falling down.

96. Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep ok then bye"

97. Women don't need an excuse to be in a bad mood.

98. The remote control is not an extension of ourselves.

99. Women are sexier.

100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it.........!

So here are the 10 things that women will never confess to the opposite sex:

2009-12-24T03:41:00.003-05:00

somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com

1) We are just as horny as you. Scientists are always citing new studies that men think about sex once a minute while women think about it once a day. I don’t know who they’re polling, but this is bullshit. Truth is, just because gals lack testosterone doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy a good lay. We just don’t want to get branded as easy. Believe me, the more chaste and innocent a girl looks, the more likely she is into some fuzzy handcuffs and a well-worn Kama Sutra.

2) We do talk and compare notes with our girlfriends. OK, so maybe our conversations aren’t quite as frank as those on Sex and the City. We’re not going to kiss and tell everything; we’ll leave that up to Cosmo. But for the sake of our mental health, we have to talk – or rant, or rave, as the case may be – about our love lives (or lack thereof). Size may come up; contrary to what we say, it does matter to some extent.(Believe me nothing is more awkward than "Are you in?"..."Yeah, for the past 10 minutes") But it’s much more about how you work what your momma gave ya.

3) We think the penis must be God’s joke to man. C’mon, you can’t tell me it’s exactly an aesthetic work of art. It’s just…funny looking. Granted, vaginas may not be much better, but at least they’re not out in the open and free to sway in the breeze. Besides, you don’t see any Georgia O’Keefe paintings of male genitalia, now, do you?

4) We don’t ‘get’ porn. What exactly is the appeal of clicking with one hand while you ‘double click your mouse’ with the other? Don’t get me wrong; women have elaborate fantasies. But our versions are mostly that – imaginary scenarios existing solely in our heads, or perhaps a bodice-ripper romance novel in which the only picture is on the cover: a Fabio-like hunk in an open, flowing blouse embraces a voluptuous beauty in front of a castle/lake/seashore/etc. Cheesy, but romance is divine. We aren’t as dependent on visual stimulation, and we sure as hell don’t want to see www.barelylegalgirlsgettinggangbanged.com. And don’t get me started on the whole guy fascination with lesbians.

5) We are not above embracing the double standard. Women had to fight for decades to earn the same rights as men. In America, we may have finally won that fight legally, but just because we demand equal pay in our jobs doesn’t mean we’re going to jump for the bill on a date or attempt to move our sofa single-handedly. Call it our revenge for having to wear corsets for several centuries. Oh, we also know you are completely stupified by the sight of boobs and we wield those puppies to our advantage.

6) We created the metrosexual. We just don’t want to sleep with him. For decades, women demanded that men become more domestic, more sensitive, and better able to relate to our emotional needs. Well, now we’ve finally got what we wanted, and we’ve realized that it’s not that fun to wear the pants all the time in a relationship. Call us hypocrites, but how can you feel feminine and sexy when your boy takes longer to get ready than you do? How can you respect a guy who cries during sex, a Disney movie, or a Hallmark commercial? You just can’t. This is why nice guys sometimes do finish last.

7) Yeah, we are crazy. Oh wait, that one’s not really a secret.

8) Society has trained us to hate - or at the very least distrust - you. From infancy, girls are told in various subtle and not-so-subtle ways that anyone with a penis can’t be trusted: “Men are only after one thing.” By the time a gal hits puberty, she’s convinced that most men are slimeballs who only smile at her because they’re imagining her naked; by the time she goes to college, she carries mace on her key ring and has memorized the top 5 date rape drugs and their warning signs. Thanks to well-meaning mothers, after-school specials, and a few too many Oprah reruns, I’m surprised we aren’t all carrying chastity belts and kneeing every guy we meet in the ‘nads.

9) We don’t really know what the hell we want, but we’ll pretend to be relationship experts. Gold-diggers aside, most young women aren’t necessarily chomping at the bit to get married. In fact, some of us are downright terrified of commitment. But dammnit, we’re devoted watchers of Dr. Phil, and we’re determined to keep the gender stereotype as the stable nurturer in a relationship. So be prepared to talk about your feelings.

10) We want to see you happy. Whether it’s asking you to “fix” our stuck cabinet door or set up our speaker system, we’re happy to give you an ego boost now and then. Sometimes it’s just easier to play the damsel in distress, smile, and nod than fight with you over the best way to debug a PC. And take note: this eager-to-please attitude extends to the bedroom, too, so long as you reciprocate.

10 Interesting Facts of a Female Brain

2009-12-24T02:55:00.000-05:00

10 fascinating facts about the neurochemical make-up of women and how it impacts our behavior.

1. The neurochemical make-up of men dictates whether or not they will be faithful. There is a gene that codes for a particular kind of vasopressin receptor in the brain, which comes in seventeen different lengths. Males with longest gene variation are the most reliable and trustworthy partners. Therefore, this is the only size that matters when seeking a long-term mate.

2. The female brain is nature’s default setting. From conception until eight weeks, the fetal brain has the circuitry pathways of the female brain. After eight weeks, a huge testosterone surge makes this unisex brain male by killing off some of the cells in the communication centers and growing the areas dedicated to sex and aggression.

3. Women are not prone to fidelity any more than men are. Women are subconsciously looking for the men with the best genes to father their children. Symmetrical features are a signal of good genes, and therefore women are drawn to men with more symmetrical structures. When a woman is single, she is looking for men that can help her raise and protect her family. Once the home is established, the biological need to sneak around with men who have the best genes still persists.

4. Mommies fall “in love” with their babies. Research has shown that tender nurturing and breast-feeding that a mother experiences with her child releases bursts of dopamine, the reward and pleasure chemical, just as it does in romantic love.

5. No cold feet. In order for a woman to have an orgasm during sex, her amygdala, the center for fear and anxiety must be turned off. Women need to be comfortable and have their feet warm before they feel like having sex.

6. The switch from the giddy intensity of romance to the calmer, less passionate long-term relationship state is nature’s way of decreasing a couple’s focus on each other so that they can care for a new child.

7. The female brain is much more adept at reading subtle facial and verbal emotional expressions. Men, on the other hand, cannot read emotions—it’s only when they see actual tears that they realize that something is wrong. This is why women have evolved to cry four times more than men do, to signal distress that men cannot ignore.

8. Love hurts—literally. Romantic rejection triggers the same circuits in the brain, as does physical pain.

9. Menopause has the result of the “mommy brain” getting unwired. At about the age of forty-three, the female brain changes to become less sensitive to estrogen and oxytocin, the “tending” neurochemicals, and women are less inclined to nurture, connect, or establish connections like they did in their prior years. This kind of change usually baffles everyone around them.

10. Women are only half as likely to be gay as men. An estimated 5-10 percent of the female population is estimated to have same-sex attraction, but the female brain is only half as likely to be wired for same sex attraction as the male brain.

http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/09/10-interesting-facts-of-female-brain.html

2009-12-23T16:04:00.000-05:00

High heels change the presentation of a woman's entire body: The calves become more delineated and therefore sexier; the body's center of gravity is changed, and thus the hips are thrust into a sexy position, as well, the breasts are forced to jut out slightly. In addition, women, knowing they present an erotic picture, array themselves with more confidence and grace.

The required walking pattern changes, because she must take a more mincing step. The whole shoe itself exhibits a fetishistic sexuality and displays the foot in its best light, showing the feminine shape of the arch, and pointing the way north, toward further "delights". The heels themselves can be viewed as phallic symbols, the inner part of the fronts symbols of penetrative entry.

Then there is the material used for the shoe: soft, hard, breathing, silky, shiny, lacy and on and on: all parts of a woman's body or image. Then there is the toe "cleavage", which brings to mind breast cleavage.

The type of shoe also changes the perspective: Ankle straps connote bondage, while sandals allow a peak at painted toenails, representative of the inner parts of a woman's sexual organs and the opportunity for probing. Mules suggest the slapping associated with spanking.

It has been said that a woman's body in spikes emulates her posture during orgasm. I don't know how true that is, but I can see from where to idea came.

"The air up there is not so thin, but rather imbued with the delights of knowing that all those below you envy you."

-------------------Written by one in awe.

The Aesthetics of Highheels.

There is something special about a woman in highheels. It brings to mind the grace and charm of the deer. Remember how they walk? Each step is delicate, graceful, hesitant. You notice the slimness of the leg and the care with which they use it. It can be quite charming to watch.

A woman in very highheeled shoes does some of the same kinds of things as that deer. The highheels definitely make her legs look longer and more delicate. They definitely affect her ability to walk, in particular by shortening her stride. Of course, she is on the verge of becoming unstable at any moment, and so she must pay careful attention to her balance and the ground under her feet.

Such behavior on her part brings out another aspect of appreciation for those who enjoy the DS lifestyle, because the highheeled woman is submitting herself to a challenge and obstacle for no more than aesthetic reasons (unless, of course, she has been ordered to do so). So,the aesthetic of highheels goes beyond the visual -- it also includes an appreciation of the personality of the woman who is perched -- and at times even tottering -- on her highheels.

30 things you learn from sex videos

2009-12-23T03:17:00.000-05:00

http://somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com/2008/11/30-things-you-learn-from-sex-videos.html

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.

15. If there are two of them they "high five" each other. (and the girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses love to suck patient's cocks.

22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to keep reminding her to "suck it".

26. Assholes are always clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

50 Greatest Quotations on Men

2009-12-23T03:06:00.000-05:00

somethinbeautiful.blogspot.com

Before success comes in any man’s life, he’s sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and the most logical thing to do is to quit. That’s exactly what the majority of men do. Napoleon Hill

Today’s post as you can see from the title itself is dedicated to men. Well, technically women since they would be the one trying to find answers about men. After researching all day I have been able to compile this post with quotes that might answer some questions and some, as always, will remain unanswered no matter how hard we try.

1. I never liked the men I loved and never loved the men I liked. ~ Fanny Brice
2. You can tell the strength of a nation by the women behind its men. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
3. Power does not corrupt men; fools, however, if they get into a position of power, corrupt power. ~ George Bernard Shaw
4. When men and woman die, as poets sung, his heart’s the last part moves, her last, the tongue. ~ Benjamin Franklin
5. Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld
6. If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see. ~ Henry David Thoreau
7. All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. ~ Blaise Pascal
8. The world judge of men by their ability in their profession, and we judge of ourselves by the same test: for it is on that on which our success in life depends. ~ William Hazlitt
9. All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That’s his. ~ Oscar Wilde
10. God made woman beautiful and foolish; beautiful, that man might love her; and foolish, that she might love him. ~ Unknown
11. Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. ~ Oscar Wilde
12. It’s not the men in my life that counts, it’s the life in my men. ~ Mae West
13. A man may conquer a million men in battle but one who conquers himself is, indeed, the greatest of conquerors. ~ Buddha
14. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal
15. Men play the game; women know the score. ~ Roger Woddis
16. Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. ~ Winston Churchill
17. There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten. ~ Samuel Johnson
18. When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that four of his fingers are pointing at himself. ~ Louis Nizer
19. Happy is he who still loves something he loved in the nursery: He has not been broken in two by time; he is not two men, but one, and he has saved not only his soul but his life. ~ Gilbert K. Chesterton
20. Few men have been admired of their familiars. ~ Michel de Montaigne
21. Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. ~ Kin Hubbard
22. If it’s true that men are such beasts, this must account for the fact that most women are animal lovers. ~ Doris Day
23. All men [are] of one metal, but not in one mold. ~ John Lyly
24. Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth. ~ Chuck Norris
25. Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. ~ Victor Hugo
26. Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against. ~ Thomas Carlyle
27. Is it not rather what we expect in men, that they should have numerous strands of experience lying side by side and never compare them with each other? ~ George Eliot
28. A child, from the time he can think, should think about all he sees, should suffer for all who cannot live with honesty, should work so that all men can be honest, and should be honest himself. ~ Jose Marti
29. The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men. ~ Julius Charles Hare
30. Men are so willing to respect anything that bores them. ~ Marilyn Moroe
31. There are more men ennobled by study than by nature. ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
32. Young men preen. Old men scheme. ~ Mason Cooley
33. If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. ~ Margaret Thatcher
34. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. ~ Robert Frost
35. Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world. ~ Samuel Johnson
36. Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes
37. The desire of excessive power caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge caused men to fall. ~ Francis Bacon
38. Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they are good in themselves. ~ Aristotle
39. Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. ~ Cher
40. There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. ~ Will Rogers
41. Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so. ~ Samuel Butler
42. Let me embrace thee, sour adversity, for wise men say it is the wisest course. ~ William Shakespeare
43. Men are only as great as they are kind. ~ Elbert Hubbard
44. Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
45. Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change. ~ Confucius
46. In the long run, men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, they had better aim at something high. ~ Henry David Thoreau
47. It is a fact often observed, that men have written good verses under the inspiration of passion, who cannot write well under other circumstances. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
48. If there is no struggle, there is no progress. Those who profess to favor freedom, and deprecate agitation, are men who want crops without plowing up the ground, they want rain without thunder and lightning. ~ Frederick Douglass
49. Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man. They die up to a point. ~ Mohandas Gandhi
50. Great men or men of great gifts you shall easily find, but symmetrical men never. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Framing Hanley - Lollipop Remix My New Addiction

2009-12-22T05:32:00.001-05:00

Check this out!!!

2009-12-22T02:01:00.001-05:00

Carrie Graber - Amazing Artist & even more amazing gallery!

A Stang Christmas

2009-11-27T18:26:00.005-05:00

'Twas the night before Christmas and in the garage,
There wasn't a trace of a Chevy or a Dodge.
The presents were wrapped and the lights were all lit,
So I figured I'd mess with the Stang for a bit.
I popped the release and I lifted the hood,
When a deep voice behind me said "looks pretty good."
Well, as you can imagine, I turned mighty quick,
And there, by the workbench, stood good ol Saint Nick!
We stood there a bit, not too sure what to say,
Then he said "don't suppose that you'd trade for my sleigh?
I said "no way, Santa" and started to grin,
"But if you've got the time we could go for a spin!"
His round little mouth, all tied up like a bow,
Turned into a smile and he said "hey! Let's go!!"
So as not to disturb all the neighbors' retreat,
We pushed the Mustang quietly into the street,
Then, taking our places to drift down the hill,
I turned on the key and I let the clutch spill.
The sound that erupted took him by surprise,
But he liked it a lot, by the look in his eyes.
With Hoosier`s a' crying and side pipes aglow,
We headed on out where the hot rodders go.
And Santa's grin widened, approaching his ears,
With every up shift, as I went through the gears.
Then he yelled "can't recall when I've felt so alive!",
So I backed off the gas and said "you wanna drive?"
Ol Santa was stunned when I gave him the keys,
When he walked past the headlights he shook at the knees!
Then the big block exploded with side exhaust sound!
Santa let out the clutch and the tires shook the ground!
Power shift into second, again into third!
I sat there just watching, at loss for a word,
Then I heard him exclaim as we blasted from sight,
"Merry Christmas to all...........what a great night!!!"

Friday's List

2009-11-27T16:48:00.004-05:00

15 Most Creative Beds

15 Craziest Tuned Cars

What you can do with a lil PU-foam and a luxury CL Mercedes.

Gamirasu Cave Hotel

10 Clever Protest Signs

10 Weird Ways of Getting High

Extreme Dog Houses

Gangsta Fails

Girls Night Out

2009-11-19T21:49:00.007-05:00

A forward i got in my email today... classic!

Girls night out...

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I

told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the

hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit

loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in

the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband

would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of

myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape

a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus

9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him MIDNIGHT...he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

Formula for Ass Kissing

2009-11-13T21:15:00.005-05:00

Here is a little something someone sent me that is indisputable mathematical logic.

Remember, this is a strictly mathematical viewpoint. It goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

'REMEMBER: SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO SHOOT THEM.'

Polyphasic Sleep

2009-10-15T02:51:00.001-04:00

Perusing the net found this.. (link)

Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis

2009-10-13T04:13:00.001-04:00

Indecision is the key to flexibility.
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a 'do it yourself' thing.

Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life

2009-10-10T04:11:00.002-04:00

Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.
You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
You disdain people who use low baud rates.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.
Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
You back up your data every day.
Your wife asks you to pick up some mini pads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.
You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a- quarter-and three-and-a-half-inch sizes.
Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where they are.
While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.
You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.

Quotes

2009-09-04T01:59:00.000-04:00

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's learning to dance in the rain.

You've got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret.

"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means accepting that some things weren't meant to be."

It's amazing because, when you're a kid you see the life you want and it never crosses your mind that it isn't gonna turn out that way.

Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option

You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.

Being sad with the right people is better than being happy with the wrong ones

If today was perfect there would be no need for tomorrow.

You don't stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing.

The best things in
life are unseen,
thats why we close
our eyes when we
kiss, cry, and dream

I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget for a while that you're not.

Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair.

Just because it's not what you were expecting, doesn't mean it's not everything you've been waiting for...

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

At one point in your life you either have the thing you want or the reasons why you don't

Life is like a d***
when it gets hard
F*** IT!

and my absolute favorite.......................

If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.

Tech Support Call

2009-06-17T04:26:00.002-04:00

"Welch Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C:\> prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.] "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled] "Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

[pause] "Yes, it is."

[Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

[muffled] "Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

[still muffled] "I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

[clear again] "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle--it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]

This person was good friends with my supervisor, so I couldn't deal with him/her the way I really wanted to, and was forced to explain sweetly and gently to him/her that computers needed power just like office lights, and if the office lights were out, then the computer was too, and that yes, if s/he hadn't saved her work s/he had probably lost everything s/he'd done so far in WordPerfect. But I could still fantasize:

"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!" [slam]

but that wouldn't have been a very nice thing to do, now would it?

Microsoft Tags

2009-06-16T00:41:00.000-04:00

Glossary of PC Messages

2009-05-11T14:04:00.000-04:00

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E"
It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows
and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the
bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

Best Biker Joke Ever

2009-05-04T13:31:00.009-04:00

Local news reports a little 10-year-old girl yesterday
was walking home, alone, from school one day,
when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up
beside her. After following along for a while,
the biker turned to her and asks, "Hey there
little girl, do you want to go for a ride?"
"NO!" said the little girl as she keeps on walking.
The biker again pulled up beside her and asks,
"Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on
the back."
"NO!" said the little girl as she hurried on down
the street.
The biker pulled up beside the little girl again and
said, "Okay kid, my last offer! I'll give you 20 Bucks
"and" a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the
back of my bike and we will go for a ride."
Finally, the little girl stopped, turned toward him
and screamed out...
"Look Dad - You're the one who bought the Honda
instead of the HARLEY..... YOU RIDE IT!"

Marijuana Linked to Sitting Around and Getting High

2009-04-29T00:17:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure where this originally came from but its pretty funny :) If you know where.. fill me in & I will credit.

Hope ya'll enjoy.

Aside from its uses in making cloth, providing life-saving medicine and constructing rope, the cannabis plant has also been found to get you stoned off your ass.

The National Institute of Health released the results of a controversial new study today, one that links the drug marijuana to sitting around and getting high. The study, a comprehensive five-year survey of drug use among Americans, also suggests a possible connection between marijuana and getting baked off your ass.

"We have found that where there's marijuana," explained Institute spokesperson Roger Krell, "there's also a good chance of finding stoners on a couch passing around a bong." Krell added that in such situations, "There is also a strong likelihood of finding incense, a TV, and some chips, usually Ruffles."

Krell would neither confirm nor deny the alleged link between marijuana and Pink Floyd's The Wall. He would confirm, however, that the album rules. "There is some seriously fucked-up shit on that album," he said. "Especially side two. Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb..."

Marijuana, or "pot," as it is called on the street, is a harmless drug that helps you relax and feel mellow. Its only known side-effects are occasional uncontrollable laughter and mild hunger, or "the munchies."

Not everyone agrees with the survey's findings. "Getting high is the least of marijuana's uses," said Matt Henner, President of Hemp For Victory and a total pothead. "The ancient Egyptians used hemp to build the pyramids. In the 1930s, the WPA used it to construct bridges and dams. Today it is used for medicine and as a non-polluting alternative to gasoline." Henner then admitted he was "wasted beyond belief."

According to experts, drug use among 15-24 year olds is cool. "That's really the cool age to do drugs," said U.S. Drug Czar Bertrand Seaver. "When you're young, that's the thing to do. In fact, studies show that teenagers who smoke pot are far more likely to be accepted by the in-crowd."

While drug use among young people is cool, experts say older people who still do drugs are losers. "A young person who does drugs is healthy and normal," said Harvard sociologist Beth Henterpen. "But if a guy's like 45, and he's still getting high, it's like, 'Get a life!'"

Marijuana also has been proven to have the wonderful side-effect of enhanced sexual sensations, enabling some users to achieve transcendental states of erotic bliss. The study found that this link, however, was severely limited in many subjects because they had, due to sitting around all the time, never actually met members of the opposite sex. "But if they did," said Krell, "then it'd be amazing."

So far, the study has met with formal protest by only two groups. The Alabama-based Center for the Christian Family, claimed the findings to be terribly inaccurate, noting marijuana's ability to "make users think they can fly and jump out of buildings, like on Quincy, as well as its tendency to induce demon possession, homicidal rampages, and homosexuality."

Another group to object to the study was California rapping group Cypress Hill. "Marijuana's not linked to sitting around, man... It's linked to cruising the Barrio with a 40 and a 12 gauge, blowing pendejos away," said group member DJ Muggs. "Hand onna pump, puffin' on a blunt... la la la la laaaaaaaaaaa..."

Girlfriend and Wife 1.0

2009-04-26T06:11:00.005-04:00

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always launched at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity. He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

The features he'd like to see in the upcoming Wife 2.0 include:

- A"Don't remind me again" button
- Minimize button
- An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.
An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the systems hardware
probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't work very well leaving undesirable
traces of the application in the system.

Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0

BUG WARNING

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can accidentally be downloaded from the UseNet.

For Pet Owners!

2009-04-03T05:10:00.004-04:00

THIS IS GOOD & THIS IS TRUE!

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on
the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom!
If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut,
it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...

Perfection

2009-03-31T03:40:00.007-04:00

This is from xUniiqueness's deviantART gallery (link) .. please check her site out!

Life is too short. There’s no point trying to be perfect, your going crazy over nothing. Make the most of what you got and appreciate it. Don’t be a wannabe, be who you want to be. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover; don’t judge a person by their looks. Use your talent wisely. Tell people how much you appreciate them. Don’t be a drama queen and make a scene over nothing. Don’t blend in, stand out. Be original and be yourself. Life isn’t about the big things, it’s about the small things that make a big difference. Forget the past, live in the present and make way for the future. In order to be irreplaceable, you have to be different. Be unique in your own little way. Life will be over before you know it.

Boats and Hoes

2009-03-15T05:38:00.001-04:00

Current Addictions

2009-03-15T04:34:00.006-04:00

Super Chevy

info @ Ticketmaster

August 7th - 9th
Route 66 Raceway
Joliet, IL

*********************************************
Lil Wayne Concert
info @ Ticketmaster
The Palace of Auburn Hills
Auburn Hills, MI
Sat, Apr 11, 2009 7:00 PM

Crabs

2009-03-15T03:37:00.005-04:00

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think!

2009-03-15T03:33:00.002-04:00

Did you realize that President Obama probably signed his stimulus package at the same desk where President Clinton got his package stimulated?

Best Fucking Joke Ever

2009-03-07T04:29:00.003-05:00

Roast of Larry the Cable GuySunday March 15, 10p/9c

Preview - Lampanelli on Git-R-Done

Joke of the Day
Stand-Up Comedy

Free Online Games
More Funny Videos

This is Hilarious!

2009-03-06T03:05:00.002-05:00

wife with a gun gets scared by husbands firecrackers

www.winterrowd.com

9 Things I hate about Everyone .. another forward...

2009-03-06T02:24:00.006-05:00

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass toa search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? I'm gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Southerners are so polite!

2009-03-06T02:00:00.005-05:00

Atlanta airport:

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911 -- You are
cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. Acknowledge
cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised.

Atlanta ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 --You are
cleared to land westbound on runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared
to land on infidel's runway 9R. - Allah is Great.

Pause:

Static..

Saudi Air: " ATLANTA ATC - ATLANTA ATC"

Atlanta ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR
THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A
COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE.

Atlanta ATC: Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y'all be careful
now and tell Allah "hey" for us -- y'all hear

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)

2009-03-06T01:53:00.004-05:00

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a
nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.
He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.
He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and
had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the backof her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from theheat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

True Friendship

2009-03-06T01:49:00.004-05:00

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always
sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well,
here is a series of promises that actually speak of true
friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on
this card-just the stone cold truth of our friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot
revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is
choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every
chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories
about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you
are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may
ask? 'Because you are my friend'.

Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but
only you can feel the true warmth.

Rules of the South!

2009-03-06T01:33:00.002-05:00

Forward from a friend...

The 'Rules of the South' are as follows!!!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don 't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.

17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

Inner Peace from Dr Phil

2009-03-06T01:31:00.001-05:00

A Forward from a good friend...

Calmness in our lives

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off 23 Miller Lites, a bottle of Absolute, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription,

The rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Snoopy's Philosophy on LIfe

2009-03-01T17:03:00.002-05:00

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.

Don't actually answer the questions.

Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point, perhaps.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies..

Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..

the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life, like I did.

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !'

''Be Yourself. Everyone Else Is Taken!'

Lots of Love, Snoopy

Voodoo Penis

2009-03-01T16:44:00.002-05:00

A Florida businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip,
So he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied.

He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The salesman there
Said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her
Occupied for so many weeks, except.....the Voodoo Penis!'

The husband said 'The what?'

The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis' and pulled out what seemed to be
An ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!'

The salesman then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!'

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started
Pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so
Much so that a
Crack began to form down the middle.

Then the salesman said 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis
Stopped and returned to the box.

The husband bought it. He took it home to his wife. After the husband
Had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.'

The voodoo penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible.
After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
Decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected
To tell her how to turn it off.

So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over
The road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.

He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to
Drink, officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my
Crotch and it won't stop screwing me.'

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
'Yeah right ...Voodoo Penis, my ass...!'

The rest, as they say, is history.

Male Vs Female at the ATM

2009-03-01T16:40:00.003-05:00

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
(What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!!!!)

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount
to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window
down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance fr om the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the riht way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder,
and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

And then the fight started.... A fwd from my mom

2009-03-01T16:27:00.002-05:00

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

After retiring, I went to the Social Security o ffice to apply for Social Security .

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office..

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she=2 0sat alone at a nearby table..

My wife asked, 'Do you know her? '

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,

'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband rep lies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big.

I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the figh t started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies .

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed;20scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed th e dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And then the fight started ...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary? "

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

Things you should know but probably don't....

2009-02-27T06:49:00.005-05:00

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton..

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time, hence, multi-tasking was invented.)

18. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar (good to know.)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand (and you thought this list was completely useless.)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than you thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher..

32. Guin ness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.

34. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O. J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her fanny off to jail.'

Richard Pryor

2009-02-22T00:35:00.002-05:00

Some of my fave Tech Support Sites.....

2009-02-20T16:21:00.001-05:00

The Elder Geek on Windows XP - Windows XP Home & Professional Information & Forum

Black Viper's Web Site - One of my favorite sites.. i'm on this site at least 5 time a day

some more info & a review of BV at the SpeedGuide.net Broadband Community (another good site!)

blah blah blah

2009-02-20T06:40:00.003-05:00

highlights of my day

youtube - wild women of whipporwhill

bad sandals

Fwd someone sent me.....

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.

Dumb ass.

COCOCOZY: Interior design blog - Decorate, remodel, renovate, furniture, lighting, architecture ideas for the home

2009-02-07T08:54:00.001-05:00

COCOCOZY: Interior design blog - Decorate, remodel, renovate, furniture, lighting, architecture ideas for the home

please check this site out!!!

2009-02-07T01:29:00.000-05:00

Defenders of Wildlife Action

Randomness

2009-02-06T12:49:00.002-05:00

Life is all about ass;

you're either covering it,

laughing it off ,

kicking it,

kissing it,

busting it,

trying to get a piece of it,

or behaving like one

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language

Survey Says..............

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal,she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

XP is F*CKED

2009-02-06T10:08:00.000-05:00

so i really fucked my xp up now. i was messing with the registry the other day.. just deleting folders in software only that no longer existed and if i didnt know what they were i would google em first and make sure it wasn't something i needed. But that was a few days ago and everything was fine till yesterday.
~ i made a backup first of the whole registry and saved it on a cd w/ other misc computer shit
~ i did a system restore checkpoint.

I use firefox b/c IE sucks!. i have verizon high speed.. usually when i click on something to download a sec later its done.. but now.. everytime i try to download something.. it freezes! and i usually have at least 10 tabs open and its still perfect but now i can barely have 5 open which doesnt satisfy my ADHD lol

i downloaded this program called Xteq Systems X-Setup
its actually a really interesting tweak.. but i guess i didn't know enough about the registry backup in xp b/c i thought i would be safe just backing up the whole registry. thinking that if i fucked up bad enough i could just import the one i saved earlier and i would be straight.
After about 2 hours of messing with this tweak tool.. i had screwed up so much shit lol so i decided to just restart and put the old registry back in... IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it says it can't restore some of the registry because it is being used by other programs.. and now one of my programs is saying that i have a corrupted registry.. what the hell do i do now??
it won't let me restore either
i got a few gigs of music that im not really concerned about and some pics but they are all backed up on cd's so i could give a fuck less about the data on here.. but still .. jay .. you were right..
you gotta a xp cd i could use for a few days :D check ur email lol

i have a xp pro reinstallation cd tho... but i don't have the COA number but i put it in just to see what it would do.. the main screen came up and i closed it then went to windows explorer & right clicked explore and i don't have a clue what to do w/ any of those files..
i give up

the whole point of dling that damn tweak tool was to get my firefox to quit freezing when i downloaded something.. and now my whole comp is screwed up lol and i can barely do anything to my doc's and my music and my computer if i try to do too much at one time the whole thing crashes!!!!!!
jay i need your help again :(

Single Women

2009-02-06T02:07:00.001-05:00

A Woman walks into a supermarket and buys :

1 bar of soap

1 toothbrush

1 tube toothpaste

1 loaf of bread

1 pint of milk

1 single serving cereal

1 single serving frozen dinner

The guy at the checkout looks at her and says "Single are you?"

The woman replies VERY sarcastically "Oh my, how did you guess?"

He replies, "Because you're fucking ugly."

mrtech forums

Sipping Vodka

2009-02-05T23:28:00.001-05:00

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

from mrtech forums

You gotta love the Marines!

2009-02-05T07:48:00.003-05:00

Marine Corp's General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children? GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm. FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers. GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you? The radio went silent and the interview ended.

You gotta love the Marines!

2009-02-05T00:57:00.001-05:00

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father? "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies Johnny. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Johnny says "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." She said, "Excellent, Michael!"

Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Johnny. "Last night at the
dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

saw this on mrtech forums

I Hate Microsoft!

2009-02-04T21:37:00.002-05:00

i did sleep all day and it was fucking amazing :) i woke up at 7 i think. Started messing with my computer b/c everytime i go to open my music folder up it freezes and its pissing me off. I have a zune so i set it to just automatically put any music in that folder on to the zune. i think im just going to erase the whole folder even tho its like 3 gigs of music but thats prob also why it wont open. which is stupid.
I started be nosy and going thru my registry (after i backed it up!) and deleting all these programs that i no longer have and/or searching for them in google if i don't know what the hell it is.
there is so much bullsht!

greenday software
idea2
imesh
myspace
noromaa generator
skype
rocketdock
rorschach software
subliminal
jedi-vcl??
wolfescience
volatile environment
winshrink i use winrar
magnet
motive
native instruments
nico mak computing
stardock
sonic

i have actually only had a handful of these programs and i use revo uninstaller which i used to think was the best one i had ever had.. but now.. thats ridiculous.. this shit pisses me off more than everything.. all these things in my computer that i have no idea what they are..

i am sleeping all day tomorrow

2009-02-04T02:49:00.006-05:00

i miss my sidekick.. someone LOST it at the 1st notre dame tailgate we went to. now i got a cheap ass virgin mobile wildcard or some shit. it's the most expensive virgin mobile phone you can have but it SUCKS i want the sidekick back. i will never take a nice ass phone for granted again like i did that sidekick man.. i used to have it gooood
started putting together my kit i bought at hobby lobby the other day.. i love that place.. 70 boss 429 3 n 1

Highlights of my day:

* bought a new mousepad from walmart that has a gel wrist pad thingy on it.. best investment i ever made
* new purse for $12!!!!!!!!!!

now its bed time

i love my zune

2009-02-03T21:28:00.003-05:00

i just figured out how to download videos from youtube and convert em so i can put em on my zune.. i can't stop. the possibilities are endless
im calling my friend to see if she can bring me some pepsi i am about to run out and cannot leave right now.. too many videos to find.. mwahhaha ya i know i need help highlight of my day so far is i caught a "my so called life" rerun..

that's all i got for the moment

i should probably start cleaning my apartment.. since i have all this free time now

i wonder how much i could get a maid for

i'll pay someone $20 to come clean my apartment :)

2009-02-03T20:50:00.002-05:00

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a
year .

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

this just made my day

2009-02-03T10:18:00.002-05:00

kristen wiig on SNL as judy grimes *just kidding"

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

annoying

2009-02-03T06:53:00.003-05:00

ok i'm sorry i am usually not a hater... but i cannot stand the girls on MY SWEET 16!!! i hate em... that's it

boredom is a bitch

2009-02-03T05:20:00.006-05:00

can't sleep. random shit that has been amusing me the past few hours:

404errorpages.com - fresh air

heated mouse pad keeps your fingers toasty - switched

if we install everything proposed by internet explorer....

ultimate slip n slide!!!!!!!!!!!

the eyeballing game - warning.. it's addictive

Shay. Love Every Bite.

That pretty much sums you up!

The Slogan Generator

mwahahah thats so tru it's scary

my cluttered mind

2009-02-03T00:59:00.001-05:00

Your Mind is 77% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need.

Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

new purse high

2009-02-02T18:02:00.000-05:00

so i just got home.. got woke up last night at 2am by a tex from a really close friend.. it said "i just took 12 tylenol, i love you.. do it big homie' wtf!!!!!!!!! i tried calling her and texing her but of course she didnt answer...i don't know her address or which house she lived in so i call my friend thats a nurse and ask what would happen if someone took that and she said it may not kill her but it will severely damage her liver.. and i need to call 911.. i look up her moms number and call 911 and tell the lady what happened. and gave her the moms number.

When i woke up today i tried calling her mom & some other mutual friends. i call one of our other friends and she had finally got ahold of her mother. she said she was ok & resting.. thank fucking god. im worried she is gonna know im the one who called cuz she has a little girl and i don't know if they will take her away from her but at least shes still gotta mom i guess. what a damn weekend

I call my friend Stacey & tell her about it b/c she is pretty good friends w/ her too.. Her car was on the side of the road somewhere so she asked if i could take her to work. gotta pick her back up around 9.. went to target on our way to her work.. found a BAD ASS purse.. on sale for $12 !!!!! it was originally 50 bucks so i have a good high right now :) i should probably not have got that considering i just got laid off friday but fuck it - i needed it.

Now i'm home putting away my groceries i just got and bout to sit down and watch Max Payne my mom just rented me & play around with this incredible new blogging thing i found :)

ok this is kinda fun

2009-02-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

my new babys

Smile, it increases your face value

2009-02-01T09:32:00.001-05:00

I been trying to start one of these for about 6 months now but i never get around to it. But I got laid off friday so I got nothing but time now! I really have no clue what i am supposed to do... i read other peoples blogs all day and they seem so ummmm shit i don't know.. "normal" so if i offend anyone or something i apologize.. the main topics will probably be mustangs and deviantart. lol i'm excited, are you?

Sooo. now what the hell do we do?

Oh .. the 5-star thing
Me and my girl Nisy are addicted to 5-star notebooks. They have to be college ruled. She is a little worse than me she goes through about a 3 subject a day.. while i can last a whole week with the same thing. It's pretty sickening. Those fuckers aren't cheap. If we are broke one day we gotta pick between the 5-star and ciggarettes.. and sometimes the smokes lose. I have 2 in front of me right now.. i have my 3 subject and i splurged yesterday and bought one of the little ones even though i just started on my normal one. I should start investing in some stocks in mead.
This is crazy because i can't imagine any one wanting to read this shit. I read d-listed.com everyday at work.. well... before i got canned friday.. but that's the reason i wanted to start my own cuz that is usually the highlight of my day.

I'm trying to think of how i could possibly entertain someone that might happen to have stumbled on my page .. and i'm at a loss. i'll be back i'm going to go browse some other blogs :)